25.8.07

Esternuts entre dues vaques

Redescobrir el plaer de la malaltia. Retornar a aquells temps quan uns pocs esternuts ens lliuràven de l'escola i jèiem tot lo dia davant la TV, descobrint la terrible injustícia de que l'hora de matemàtiques coincidís amb la de Doraemon. Han passat els anys i ja no passem les hores davant el televisor sinó llegint diaris, llibres i revistes. Ja ningú ens cuina els nostres plats preferits, però som malalts feliços quan dinem una pizza tot mirant els Simpson i recordant el terrible càstig diví que representen les feines manuals, mecàniques, aquelles que esperem acabin sent ocupació de robots o macacos domesticats. I aquella febre lleugera, que ens retorna a la il·lusió dualista, la possibilitat d'una ment sana en un cos convalescent, aquella sensació de lleugera embriaguesa, quan el gintònic encara no ha afectat les nostres capacitats psicomotrius, quan fins i tot sembla agilitzar-les, de quan les penes del cos no ho són de l'ànima i l'únic que pot impedir l'escriptura és que els mocs invaeixin definitivament el teclat o els esternuts ens ofeguin la mirada. I lamentar la insuportable lleugeresa del refredat, que segurament mori aquesta nit matant l'excusa que ens salvava, per un dia, un miserable dia, de les terribles ocupacions de les que fem veure que depèn la nostra supervivència. Material.

Per oblidar, encara una estona, el tornar-se a llevar d'hora i altre cop a la feina, us deixo amb un breu i divertit extracte de les meves lectures de febrils. The ideologies and nations of the world explained and explored with reference to Two Cows:

Comunism: You have two cows. The government takes both cows. The government sells the milk in government stores. You can't afford the milk. You wither away.

Democracy: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to van all meat and dairy products. You starve.

Democracy in the EU: You have two cows. At first government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out 17 forms in triplicate to account for the missing cows.

Democracy in Britain: You have to cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesen't do anything.

Democracy in UN: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain vetoes the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

Democracy in America: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election the President is impeached from especulating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

A Democrat: You have two cows. You neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successfull. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then takes the money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

A Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So?

A French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

An Italian Corporation: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
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2 comentaris:

Reflex ha dit...

Genial. M'ha agradat especialment la "Democracy in the EU". El trist del tema és que realment és així.

Joseph T. ha dit...

Feliç convalèscencia!